Why I Think Small Talk is Lame (and What To Do About It)
Small talk is unavoidable. It happens in just about every type of social situation.
It’s not all bad, especially if we’re getting to know someone for the first time.
But if you’re anything like me, it sometimes feels like a waste. We don’t really learn anything new about the other person. It’s like we’re filling the air with words to avoid that awkward feeling of silence.
Here’s how my typical small talk conversations go on campus here at UGA:
Me: “Hey man. What’s been going on?”
Other Person: “Oh, nothing much.”
Or
Me: “Hey how’ve you been?”
Other person: “I’ve been pretty good.”
I sometimes wonder if they’re being honest. Not in the sense that they are intentionally lying, but more because these kinds of conversations have become so monotonous and boring that they don’t really mean much these days. They usually don’t tell us anything about the other person, and I’m just as guilty of being that “other person.” If we ask run-of-the-mill questions, we typically receive run-of-the-mill answers.
Done a different (and better) way:
Me: “Hey man. What’s been a highlight from this past week?”
Other Person: “Hmm… I went on a Braves date night on Thursday which was a lot of fun.”
or
Me: “Hey! What’s something exciting you have coming up?”
Other Person: “Uh, well I’m going to a NEEDTOBREATHE concert this Saturday at the GA Theater which is gonna be awesome.”
Same questions, really. But instead of general blanketed statements, I ask him or her to tell me something specific. That gets them thinking and it gets me listening.
Next time I run into that person, I can ask him or her about that concert. I won’t be forced to repeat the same old, “How are you?” and get the same “I’m good” (or ‘well’ for you grammar folks).
It takes a short encounter and helps us build upon and invest in relationships. My friend Sam, an RA (among a lot of other cool things) in one of the dorms on campus, told me that he asks his residents this question all the time, and it can make a big difference in truly getting to know them.
What if we were more intentional in our small talk?